"Life is a ticket to the greatest show on earth!" M.H. Fisc

If you are living with domestic violence, betrayal, or any form of abuse, please know this:

You deserve support just as much as your children do.

Many mothers become so focused on protecting everyone else that they neglect their own emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being. But you cannot continue pouring from an empty cup. Your healing matters—not only for your own sake, but because your children need a mother who is supported, encouraged, and growing stronger with each step she takes.

I strongly encourage you to find a trauma-informed counselor, therapist, or life coach who understands the complex realities of abuse, betrayal, trauma, and PTSD.

Healing alongside someone who truly understands these experiences can help you regain your confidence, rebuild your sense of self, and make wise, healthy decisions for your future.

Just as importantly, don’t walk this journey alone. A healthy support group can become a lifeline.

Surround yourself with women who understand your story, offer encouragement instead of judgment, share resources, celebrate your victories, and remind you of your strength on the days you’ve forgotten it.

You were never meant to carry this burden by yourself. Healing happens in safe relationships, one courageous step at a time.

No matter how broken today may feel, healing is possible. There is hope. There are people who understand. And you do not have to walk this journey alone.

8-10 practical things mothers can do:

• Believe your child.
• Never minimize or excuse abusive behavior.
• Create predictable routines that help children feel safe.
• Let them express feelings without trying to fix them immediately.
• Model healthy boundaries.
• Teach them that abuse is never love.
• Find trauma-informed support early.
• Remind them often that what happened was not their fault.
• Celebrate small signs of healing.
• Keep showing up, even when healing feels slow.

One of the greatest gifts you can give your child is to become a safe place in an unsafe world.

Children who experience abuse often blame themselves, become confused about what is normal, or learn to hide their feelings in order to survive.

They need at least one trusted adult who believes them, protects them, listens without judgment, and reminds them that what happened was never their fault.

Healing doesn’t happen because children simply “move on.” Healing happens when they are given safety, stability, healthy boundaries, loving relationships, and opportunities to process what they’ve experienced.

A trauma-informed counselor, coach, or therapist can help children understand what happened, express difficult emotions in healthy ways, rebuild trust, and develop lifelong coping skills. The earlier children receive support, the greater their opportunity to heal and thrive.

Perhaps most importantly, remember this:

Children don’t need a perfect mother. They need one who keeps showing up with love, courage, and a willingness to protect them.

When looking for a counselor for either you or your children, it is important to look for someone experienced in the effects of Narcissistic  Personality Disorder (NPD) and other Cluster B personality disorders (Borderline Personality Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder, and Histrionic Personality Disorder), along with domestic violence, betrayal trauma, or whatever other issue you are dealing with. Proceed with caution when approaching clergy for counsel ~ unfortunately, most clergymen and women are not trained or experienced in the nuances of abuse and betrayal. Often victims are blamed for what has happened to them, leaving them worse off than before. 

Keeping children occupied with interesting activities that keep their young minds engaged helps distract them from what is going on at home. Spending time with companions who are encouraging and kind goes a long way in keeping your kids built up and confident when they may be overtly discourage and critized at home. Consistency is critical. When a child's home life is confusing, unpredicrable, and toxic, having activities to look forward to on certain days of the week can help provide grounding and security. 

One of the hardest decisions a woman can make is to go to the police and the court system to protect her and her children, if she has any, from her husband and their father. That woman will feel like a traitor, even though she is only trying to keep those in her household safe from a volatile, even violent person. Once a victim of abuse decides she needs a protective order, she has options. She can go to the local YWCA and ask to speak to or meet with an advocate at the Women's Crisis Center. Representatives are available 24/7 to talk with you on the phone. They are kind, understanding of your plight, and are there to help you decide what's best for you without ever telling you what you should do. Many of them are survivors of narcissistic partners and domestic violence themselves. 

No mother wants to be a single mother. It may be the most difficult job in the world, aside from mothering in the midst of abuse and betrayal. It can be a very lonely road for any woman to navigate. Thankfully, there are many support groups and communities where you can find companionship, understanding, and support in your area. 

It's very important that you "put your oxygen mask on first", as they say. If you are entirely depleted, you won't be able to manage your children well. Do all you can, even if you have to think outside the box and employ the help of family and friends, to find time for yourself. You need to be refreshed, you need to rest, you need to relax. You can't pour out of any empty glass, so consider how you might built some self-care into your weekly schedule. Your kdis will thank you for it!