In Relationships, Knowledge is Power
“Is it just me? Am I imagining things?”
If you’re here…
Maybe you’ve been told you’re “too sensitive.”
Maybe you’ve begun questioning your own reality.
Maybe you’re exhausted from pretending everything is okay.
Maybe you’ve wondered…
“Am I the problem?”
You are not alone.
You Are Truly Brave
Glossary of Terms
Domestic Violence
Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behaviors used to gain power and control over another person in an intimate relationship. It can include physical, emotional, verbal, sexual, financial, psychological, and spiritual abuse. These behaviors often leave deep emotional wounds that cannot be seen but can profoundly affect a person’s sense of safety, identity, and well-being. Abuse is never your fault. You deserve to be treated with dignity, respect, and love. Healing is possible, and you do not have to face this journey alone.
Betrayal Trauma
Betrayal trauma is the deep emotional and psychological pain that occurs when someone you love and trust violates that trust. Whether through infidelity, deception, emotional abandonment, or other forms of betrayal, the impact can be overwhelming. Many people experience anxiety, intrusive thoughts, difficulty trusting, grief, and symptoms similar to PTSD. Healing is possible. With compassionate support, you can rebuild your sense of safety, restore trust in yourself, and move forward with hope.
Prodependency
Prodependency is a term that recognizes healthy caregiving and compassion rather than labeling loved ones as “codependent.” It encourages supporting others with empathy while maintaining healthy boundaries and caring for your own well-being.
Many spouses, parents, and loved ones naturally step in during times of crisis. The goal isn’t to stop caring—it’s to care in ways that are compassionate, healthy, and sustainable.
Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a form of emotional manipulation that causes a person to question their own thoughts, memories, feelings, and reality. Over time, victims may begin doubting themselves, apologizing for things they didn’t do, and wondering if they’re “going crazy.” Gaslighting is designed to create confusion and control—not truth. Healing begins by learning to trust yourself again.
Projection
Projection is a defense mechanism in which a person attributes their own thoughts, feelings, behaviors, or motives to someone else instead of taking responsibility for them. In abusive relationships, this may look like accusing you of lying, cheating, being controlling, or being angry when those behaviors actually belong to them. Over time, projection can leave victims feeling confused, defensive, and questioning themselves. Healing begins by recognizing the difference between what belongs to you and what belongs to someone else.
Minimizing
Minimizing is a form of emotional manipulation in which a person downplays or dismisses the impact of their harmful words or actions. They may tell you that you’re “too sensitive,” “overreacting,” or that “it wasn’t a big deal.” Over time, minimizing can cause you to doubt your feelings, ignore your own needs, and question the seriousness of the abuse. Your feelings matter, and your experiences deserve to be acknowledged.
Crazymaking
Crazy-making is a pattern of manipulation designed to leave you confused, off balance, and doubting your own reality. It often leaves victims feeling anxious, ashamed, and unable to trust their own judgment.
PTSD
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a natural response to overwhelming or life-threatening experiences. It can affect the brain, body, and emotions long after the traumatic event has ended, leaving a person feeling anxious, on edge, emotionally numb, or easily triggered. PTSD is not a sign of weakness—it’s an injury that can heal with the right support
C-PTSD
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a natural response to overwhelming or life-threatening experiences. It can affect the brain, body, and emotions long after the traumatic event has ended, leaving a person feeling anxious, on edge, emotionally numb, or easily triggered. PTSD is not a sign of weakness—it’s an injury that can heal with the right support
Blame Shifting
Blame shifting is a form of manipulation in which an abusive or unhealthy person avoids responsibility by placing the blame on someone else. Over time, victims may begin believing they are the cause of the conflict, even when they have done nothing wrong.
Spiritual Abuse
Spiritual abuse occurs when someone uses God, Scripture, faith, or religious authority to control, manipulate, shame, or intimidate another person. It often leaves victims feeling confused, fearful, and disconnected from both God and themselves. Healthy faith brings freedom, healing, and love—not fear and control
Victim Mentality
Victim mentality describes a pattern in which a person begins to see themselves as powerless to change their circumstances. This mindset often develops after real trauma or prolonged abuse and can make it difficult to recognize personal strengths, make healthy choices, or believe that healing is possible. Recovery begins by acknowledging what happened while rediscovering your ability to grow, heal, and move forward.
Go to www.flyingfreenow.com for Natalie's podcast/bl0g
Natalie Hoffman
Natalie Hoffman
Natalie Hoffman
About Natalie
I wrote the book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage along with a companion workbook for small groups to go through together. (Want the first chapters of these two books free? Hop on my mailing list HERE!)
I started the Flying Free podcast in January of 2019 where I answer listener questions and interview experts and survivors on the issues involved in recognizing and healing from emotional and spiritual abuse.
I developed the Flying Free Sisterhood program that offers classes, expert workshops, weekly live coaching, a private forum for survivors, and so much more. This group is designed to gently and compassionately take women from crawling to flying within one year.We were made to live as adults, fulfilling our God-given destiny. We were made for a life of peace and joy and abundance in our souls.
Done everything you know to do?
- You’ve read marriage books (a STACK of them), and you’ve tried everything they say: Showed him more respect. Started speaking ALL FIVE love languages. Showed him you cared enough to have sex on his terms.
- You’ve sought “wise counsel” from people at your church. From elders. People who KNOW the Bible. You’re trying to get answers, but they just don’t see what’s really happening. (… which makes you feel more invisible).
- YOU can see that you’ve grown, in spite of the pressure. You’re more kind. More forgiving. But it’s getting harder to forgive, harder to keep your cool when you feel like lashing out at his accusations (LORD, please give me patience!)
- …And it’s tough to admit, but when you’re honest? It’s not getting better.
It's getting worse…
But what if…
What if you didn’t NEED the approval of others to feel confident that you can make good decisions for you and your kids?
What if you had a group of friends that understood your marriage problems and could offer the support and acceptance you crave? Friends that have your back and will love and respect the choices you’re making?
...and what if you had a way of dealing with your old hurts and baggage so you can deprogram from the lies that are keeping you stuck - to start walking with confidence and hope?
Imagine not being afraid of the future because you had the self-awareness, skills, confidence, and freedom to make adult decisions.
(You feel like you could do this if you weren't so alone...)
Natalie's Book
Natalie Hoffman
Natalie Hoffman
The Book
“Why do concerns I bring up never seem to be resolved? Why do I feel like Charlie Brown, flat on his back from having the football snatched away? Why, when I bring up a concern, do I always end up justifying my existence or being the one to apologize? How do things seem to get turned around on me?”
“I feel like I walk on eggshells, and I’m scared of his reactions to grievances I express, so I keep them to myself.”
“I knew something was off for years but didn’t know what it was exactly. I knew that we were different - I would hear of other husbands supporting their wives in pursuing their dreams and be absolutely blown away. I would hear of husbands encouraging their wives to go out with friends and not be able to relate at all. I would hear of decisions being made mutually and not understand how that even looked.”
“I remember as a young wife thinking, ‘Is this normal? Does everyone feel this way? Maybe this is why old wives seem bitter?’ It wasn’t until year seven that I finally acknowledged something was wrong, and there wasn’t anything I could change to make it better. It was years 15 to 24 that I became unsure of reality and questioned my sanity.”
“He always apologizes after looking at porn or after blowing up at me or the kids. But nothing ever changes. And he gets mad if we don’t ‘forgive and forget.’”
“He was a mechanic by trade, yet I was afraid to tell him whenever the car was acting up or making a noise. He would tell me he didn’t want me putting miles on my car, so I would tell friends ‘no’ anytime they wanted me to come see them. I acted like a little kid afraid to ask permission to do stuff.”
“Nobody yells ‘Emergency! Call 911!’ or ‘Divorce!’ with all those tiny little ‘Hmmmm, that’s-a-bit-off?’ moments or maybe the ‘Ouch! He hurt me!’ scenes or the ‘What the heck was THAT all about?’ confusing moments that pile up over a period of years. All those tiny little pieces of the puzzle are things you just toss out with the trash because you’re too forgiving, too patient, too loving, too empathetic, too kind, too giving, too enamored with him - until you start to secretly collect them and put the real pieces of the puzzle (the truth) together and see a much clearer picture.”
One out of three married women sitting in an average conservative Christian church is in a confusing and painful marriage relationship. These women believe they are alone. I want them to know they aren't. They believe they can't find peace. I want them to know they can. They believe they don't have choices. I want them to know they do.
--------
"I will never leave you, nor forsake you." ~Jesus
Alone, But Not Alone
With God by your side, you are never alone. Jesus, Who showed nothing but love, compassion, and grace to every woman He ever encountered during His earthly ministry, will take care of you. He has seen every tears, every heartache, every fear. He knows the "stuff" you are made of. He can heal your past, help you in the present, and give you a future and hope for your tomorrows. Rest in His loving arms today. Ask Him for wisdom. He will not turn you away. His grace will always be more than enough. He will guide you and help you as you walk down paths you would never have chosen for yourself.
We cannot control others, but we can control ourselves. We can rest in the arms of Jesus and learn to trust that, although men have failed us, he never will. His very Name is Faithful and True!
God is with you!