MOTHERHOOD

Child Abuse is defined as  "neglect, or any recent act or failure to act on the part of a parent or caregiver that results in death, serious physical or emotional harm, sexual abuse, or exploitation, or an act or failure to act that presents an imminent risk of serious harm."

www.childwelfare.gov/pubpdfs/define.pdf

Domestic Violence is well-hidden behind closed doors of houses that may have lovely facades but hide within them the most grievous offenses against innocent children. The precious ones affected can and most likely will be scarred for life. They are depending on their mother to keep them safe, but she is confused about how to do that. as she may be a victim herself. 

She may not have anywhere to go. She may not have money. She may not have an education or the necessary skills to provide income for her children. If there is violence in the home, the only thing she can do, is find a shelter. And even this can at times be difficult. There never seem to be enough programs or organizations or shelters or to care for and help protect the number of women and children in distress. 

No matter what, as a mother, your top priority is to get those children out of that home. Read "Cinderella Deconstructed" for validation regarding how difficult your situation really is. Hope, the main character of that story, wished she could have gotten her children out sooner because as they got older the effects of the ongoing violence were all too evident .

Find a life couch or counselor who is trauma-informed and understands the dynamics of narcissistic, dangerous men. You need someone who can arm you with the proper resources and tools to help you escape and protect yourself and your dear children from further harm.

Below you can find an exhaustive list of signs and symptoms and effects of child abuse:

https://childabuse.stanford.edu/screening/signs.html

If you need help because your partner or someone  else has abused or neglected your child, there are organizations that can provide you with information and referrals, such as:

• Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453)
• Prevent Child Abuse America: 1-800-CHILDREN (1-800-244-5373)

       If your child tells you he or she is being abused, take the situation seriously. The child's safety is most important. Here's what you can do:

• Encourage the child to tell you what happened. Remain calm as you assure the child that it's OK to talk about the experience, even if someone has threatened him or her to keep silent. Focus on listening, not investigating. Don't ask leading questions — allow the child to explain what happened and leave detailed questioning to the professionals.
• Remind the child that he or she isn't responsible for the abuse. The responsibility for child abuse belongs to the abuser. Say "It's not your fault" over and over again.
• Offer comfort. You might say, "I'm so sorry you were hurt," "I'm glad that you told me," and "I'll do everything I can to help you." Let the child know you're available to talk or simply listen at any time.
• Report the abuse. Contact a local child protective agency or the police department. Authorities will investigate the report and, if necessary, take steps to ensure the child's safety.
• Help the child remain safe. Ensure the child's safety by separating the abuser and the child, and by providing supervision if the child is in the presence of the abuser. Help the child get medical attention if needed.

www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/child-abuse/

 Vicarious Trauma, also referred to as Secondary Traumatic Stress (STS) are frequently used interchangeably to refer to the indirect trauma that can occur when a child is exposed to difficult or disturbing images and violent situations second-hand. Research shows that even when children are not direct targets of violence in the home, they can be harmed by witnessing its occurrence.  The witnessing of domestic violence can be auditory, visual, or inferred, including cases in which the child perceives the aftermath of violence, such as physical injuries to family members or damage to property. Children who witness domestic violence can suffer severe emotional and developmental difficulties that 

are similar to those of children who are 

direct victims of abuse.  

www.childwelfare.gov/pubPDFs.witnessdv.pdf

Although adults often say things like, “He was so young when that happened; he won’t even remember it as an adult,” childhood trauma can have a lifelong effect. And while kids are resilient, they’re not made of stone.

That’s not to say your child will be emotionally scarred for life if they endure a horrific experience.1 But it’s important to recognize when your child may need professional help with dealing with trauma. Early intervention may even prevent your child from experiencing the ongoing effects of the trauma as an adult.

www.verywellmind.com/what-are-the-effects-of-childhood-trauma

Signs of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder I children who have witnessed violence:

• Anger and aggression
• Anxiety
• Depression
• Difficulty trusting others
• Fear
• Feelings of isolation
• Poor self-esteem
• Self-destructive behavior

Even children who don’t develop PTSD may still exhibit emotional and behavioral issues following a traumatic experience. Here are some things to watch out for during the weeks and months after an upsetting event:1 

• Anger issues
• Attention problems
• Changes in appetite
• Development of new fears
• Increased thoughts about death or safety
• Irritability
• Loss of interest in normal activities
• Problems sleeping
• Sadness
• School refusal
• Somatic complaints like headaches and stomachaches

Never underestimate the damage done as your child witnesses your partner abusing you, whether the abuse is verbal, mental, psychological, spiritual, physical, or sexual. Seek help from a trauma-informed coach or counselor who can inform you of options. tokeep your children safe from the long-term effects of vicarious trauma.