Hope and Healing for your invisible hurts
Hope and Healing for your invisible hurts
A woman living with trauma and abuse
in her home once said,
"The hardest thing I ever did was try to be a
good mother while my heart was breaking..."
Your children sense when you are sad,
scared, or stressed. This community is the perfect outlet for expressing your griefs and sharing your fears. You are safe here!
Child Abuse is defined as "neglect, or any recent act or failure to act on the part of a parent or caregiver that results in death, serious physical or emotional harm, sexual abuse, or exploitation, or an act or failure to act that presents an imminent risk of serious harm."
Domestic Violence is well-hidden behind closed doors of houses that may have lovely facades but hide within them the most grievous offenses against innocent children. The precious ones affected can and most likely will be scarred for life. They are depending on their mother to keep them safe, but she is confused about how to do that. as she may be a victim herself.
She may not have anywhere to go. She may not have money. She may not have an education or the necessary skills to provide income for her children. If there is violence in the home, the only thing she can do, is find a shelter. And even this can at times be difficult. There never seem to be enough programs or organizations or shelters or to care for and help protect the number of women and children in distress.
No matter what, as a mother, your top priority is to get those children out of that home. Read "Cinderella Deconstructed" for validation regarding how difficult your situation really is. Hope, the main character of that story, wished she could have gotten her children out sooner because as they got older the effects of the ongoing violence were all too evident .
Find a life couch or counselor who is trauma-informed and understands the dynamics of narcissistic, dangerous men. You need someone who can arm you with the proper resources and tools to help you escape and protect yourself and your dear children from further harm.
Below you can find an exhaustive list of signs and symptoms and effects of child abuse:
If you need help because your partner or someone else has abused or neglected your child, there are organizations that can provide you with information and referrals, such as:
If your child tells you he or she is being abused, take the situation seriously. The child's safety is most important. Here's what you can do:
Vicarious Trauma, also referred to as Secondary Traumatic Stress (STS) are frequently used interchangeably to refer to the indirect trauma that can occur when a child is exposed to difficult or disturbing images and violent situations second-hand. Research shows that even when children are not direct targets of violence in the home, they can be harmed by witnessing its occurrence. The witnessing of domestic violence can be auditory, visual, or inferred, including cases in which the child perceives the aftermath of violence, such as physical injuries to family members or damage to property. Children who witness domestic violence can suffer severe emotional and developmental difficulties that
are similar to those of children who are
direct victims of abuse.
Although adults often say things like, “He was so young when that happened; he won’t even remember it as an adult,” childhood trauma can have a lifelong effect. And while kids are resilient, they’re not made of stone.
That’s not to say your child will be emotionally scarred for life if they endure a horrific experience.1 But it’s important to recognize when your child may need professional help with dealing with trauma. Early intervention may even prevent your child from experiencing the ongoing effects of the trauma as an adult.
Signs of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder I children who have witnessed violence:
Even children who don’t develop PTSD may still exhibit emotional and behavioral issues following a traumatic experience. Here are some things to watch out for during the weeks and months after an upsetting event:1
Never underestimate the damage done as your child witnesses your partner abusing you, whether the abuse is verbal, mental, psychological, spiritual, physical, or sexual. Seek help from a trauma-informed coach or counselor who can inform you of options. tokeep your children safe from the long-term effects of vicarious trauma.
“A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity. It dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path. ~Agatha Christie
My best and highest recommendation for a mother living in a world of domestic violence or betrayal is to find a trauma-informed life coach or counselor experienced in issues of violence, safety, betrayal, and PTSD. Also, she needs to find a support group where she can link arms with women in similar situations, sharing your burdens, giving each other feedback, and helping each other stay strong to make healthy decisions.
The best way to support your children is to keep them away from unsafe people, even if that is their own father. Support for children. is hard to find. The best place to start is with a trauma-informed coach or counselor who can help your child or children comprehend what has happened, understand why it was wrong/unacceptable, and learn healthy coping mechanisms to keep them grounded in the midst of toxic behaviors, separation or divorce, or custody issues.
When looking for a counselor for either you or your children, it is important to look for someone experienced in the effects of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and other Cluster B personality disorders (Borderline Personality Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder, and Histrionic Personality Disorder), along with domestic violence, betrayal trauma, or whatever other issue you are dealing with. Proceed with caution when approaching clergy for counsel ~ unfortunately, most clergymen and women are not trained or experienced in the nuances of abuse and betrayal. Often victims are blamed for what has happened to them, leaving them worse off than before.
Keeping children occupied with interesting activities that keep their young minds engaged helps distract them from what is going on at home. Spending time with companions who are encouraging and kind goes a long way in keeping your kids built up and confident when they may be overtly discourage and critized at home. Consistency is critical. When a child's home life is confusing, unpredicrable, and toxic, having activities to look forward to on certain days of the week can help provide grounding and security.
One of the hardest decisions a woman can make is to go to the police and the court system to protect her and her children, if she has any, from her husband and their father. That woman will feel like a traitor, even though she is only trying to keep those in her household safe from a volatile, even violent person. Once a victim of abuse decides she needs a protective order, she has options. She can go to the local YWCA and ask to speak to or meet with an advocate at the Women's Crisis Center. Representatives are available 24/7 to talk with you on the phone. They are kind, understanding of your plight, and are there to help you decide what's best for you without ever telling you what you should do. Many of them are survivors of narcissistic partners and domestic violence themselves.
No mother wants to be a single mother. It may be the most difficult job in the world, aside from mothering in the midst of abuse and betrayal. It can be a very lonely road for any woman to navigate. Thankfully, there are many support groups and communities where you can find companionship, understanding, and support in your area.
It's very important that you "put your oxygen mask on first", as they say. If you are entirely depleted, you won't be able to manage your children well. Do all you can, even if you have to think outside the box and employ the help of family and friends, to find time for yourself. You need to be refreshed, you need to rest, you need to relax. You can't pour out of any empty glass, so consider how you might built some self-care into your weekly schedule. Your kdis will thank you for it!
There is no way to be a perfect mother, and a million ways to be a good one. -Jill Churchill
Motherhood: the toughest job you'll ever love! There is no such thing as a perfect mom, though many of us shoot for that elusive state of being. There are lots of moms, though, who love their children with their whole imperfect hearts.... hindsight is 20/20, and all we moms can do is remain humble and open to learning, sometimes from those in our charge. At the end of the day, Motherhood is an incredibly noble profession and moms are raising the little people who will rule all of our tomorrows.
In this charming and encouraging book about Motherhood, sixteen different circus performers demonstrate skills and character traits similar to those developed in a mother’s life as God teaches her lessons in humility, contentment, flexibility, patience, and more. A mother of five tells hard to believe stories about raising five precious children through many seasons: the baby and toddler years, home schooling days, pre-teen and teen struggles, and near adulthood. Through humor and honesty, the author encourages and brings laughs to her favorite audience: moms.
The circus is the perfect motif for
the atmosphere of a home bursting with the energy of babies and young ones, pre-teens and teens, and
its highlighted performers leave a lasting impression as they metaphorically symbolize
character traits forged in the day to day grind. Read the book and find a singular community through the corresponding Facebook page and the website!
In her moving memoirs, What Color Is Monday? and Someone I'm With Has Autism, Carrie Cariello invites us to take a peek into exactly what it takes to get through each day juggling the needs of her family. Through hilarious mishaps and honest insights, she gives us a validating peek inside the complex world of Autism.
Ann, with her poetic and singular use. of the English language, shares her heart only about the joys and struggles of raising a family. She grapples with issuers like perfectionism, depression, anxiety, competing time demands, and a deep desire to be still and enjoy the many gifts God puts in our paths every day.