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Understanding the narcissist
Narcissists display arrogant behavior, lack of empathy for others, and a need for admiration. Physical, psychological, emotional, sexual, and spiritual abuse are common as they use others to feed their inflated ego. Narcissistic abuse is unusually difficult to recover from and requires no contact and long-term therapy.
From Psych Central
By John M. Grohol, Psy.D.
The symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder include: grandiose sense of importance, preoccupation with unlimited success, belief that one is special and unique, exploitative of others, lack of empathy, arrogance, and jealousy of others. These symptoms cause significant distress in a person's life.
Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by a long-standing pattern of grandiosity (either in fantasy or actual behavior), an overwhelming need for admiration, and usually a complete lack of empathy toward others. People with this disorder often believe they are of primary importance in everybody’s life — and to anyone they meet. While this pattern of behavior may be appropriate for a king in 16th century England, it is generally considered inappropriate for most ordinary people today.
People with narcissistic personality disorder often display snobbish, disdainful, or patronizing attitudes. For example, an individual with this disorder may complain about a clumsy waiter’s “rudeness” or “stupidity,” or conclude a medical evaluation with a condescending evaluation of the physician.
In layperson terms, someone with this disorder may be described simply as a “narcissist” or as someone with “narcissism.” Both of these terms generally refer to someone with narcissistic personality disorder.
A personality disorder is an enduring pattern of inner experience and behavior that deviates from the norm of the individual’s culture. The pattern is seen in two or more of the following areas: cognition; affect; interpersonal functioning; or impulse control. The enduring pattern is inflexible and pervasive across a broad range of personal and social situations. It typically leads to significant distress or impairment in social, work or other areas of functioning. The pattern is stable and of long duration, and its onset can be traced back to early adulthood or adolescence.
Symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder
In order for a person to be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) they must meet five or more of the following symptoms:
- Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
- Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
- Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
- Requires excessive admiration
- Has a very strong sense of entitlement, e.g., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
- Is exploitative of others, e.g., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
- Lacks empathy, e.g., is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
- Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
- Regularly shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes
Because personality disorders describe long-standing and enduring patterns of behavior, they are most often diagnosed in adulthood. It is fairly uncommon for them to be diagnosed in childhood or adolescence, because a child or teen is under constant development, personality changes, and maturation. However, if it is diagnosed in a child or teen, the features must have been present for at least 1 year.
Narcissistic personality disorder is more prevalent in males than females and is thought to occur in around 6 percent of the general population, according to research.
Like most personality disorders, NPD typically will decrease in intensity with age, with many people experiencing few of the most extreme symptoms by the time they are in their 40s or 50s.
What the Experts Say
How is Narcissistic Personality Disorder Diagnosed?
Personality disorders such as NPD are typically diagnosed by a trained mental health professional, such as a psychologist or psychiatrist. Family physicians and general practitioners are generally not trained or well-equipped to make this type of psychological diagnosis. So while you can initially consult a family physician about this problem, they should refer you to a mental health professional for diagnosis and treatment. There are no laboratory, blood, or genetic tests that are used to diagnose personality disorder.
Many people with this disorder don’t seek out treatment. People with personality disorders, in general, do not often seek out treatment until the disorder starts to significantly interfere or otherwise impact a person’s life. This most often happens when a person’s coping resources are stretched too thin to deal with stress or other life events.
A diagnosis for narcissistic personality disorder is made by a mental health professional comparing your symptoms and life history with those listed here. They will make a determination whether your symptoms meet the criteria necessary for a personality disorder diagnosis.
How the Narcissist Dismantles Your Personhood
Gaslighting
Gaslighting is an insidious form of manipulation and psychological control. Victims of gaslighting are deliberately and systematically fed false information that leads them to question what they know to be true, often about themselves. They may end up doubting their memory, their perception, and even their sanity. Over time, a gaslighter’s manipulations can grow more complex and potent, making it increasingly difficult for the victim to see the truth. ~ Psychology Today
Projection
Projection is a defense mechanism commonly used by abusers, including people with narcissistic or borderline personality disorder and addicts. Basically, they're saying, “It’s not me, it’s you! ” Narcissists project “negatively” to escape accountability, expel self-doubt and self-hatred, justify their manipulation and exploitationm, blame others for their own disapointments and failings, and hold others responsible for their own abusive behavior." ~ Psychology Today/ Narcissistic Family Files
Crazymaking
Crazymaking is when a person sets you up to lose, no matter what you do. You’re put in lose-lose situations, but too many games are being played for you to reason yourself out of it. There is no rhyme, reason, or emotional understanding with a crazymaker. ~ Psychology Today
Delusions of Grandeur (Grandiose Thoughts)
A delusion of grandeur is the false belief in one’s own superiority, greatness, or intelligence. People experiencing delusions of grandeur do not just have high self-esteem; instead, they believe in their own greatness and importance even in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary. Someone might, for example, believe they are destined to be the leader of the world, despite having no leadership experience and difficulties in interpersonal relationships. Delusions of grandeur are characterized by their persistence. They are not just moments of fantasy or hopes for the future. ~GoodTherapy
Critical Spirit
A narcissist’s criticism is different from a non-narcissist’s, despite what they might tell you. A narcissist’s criticism comes from a place of insecurity and fear and it has an edge ranging from mean spirited to downright cruel. The criticism is often wrapped in a compliment or is just nasty . They are almost always wrong in their criticism, and may later give a sincere but hollow apology for the criticism, or shower you with compliments. Once you see the pattern, it is entertaining to watch them go through the cycle. It seems the pettiness of their criticisms is proportional to how needy they are for a ‘fix’. ~Quora
Jealousy
The narcissists sees a very special trait, elite skill, or ability within you and they take it as their own, because they believe anything special should be theirs for the taking. Rather than work hard to get there, they take the instant route – theft. I am not referencing taking on the characteristics of people we admire or feel inspired by. That is a different situation entirely. To mimic or take on the traits of our family, bosses, friends, role models, or celebrities is completely normal.
What I am referencing has a root in a very dark place. It reflects personality malignancy and maliciousness and involves sinister behavior. They have a strong need to feed their belief that they are superior to others, hence viewing something special in others leads them to take that thing or trait. Dr. Rhonda Freeman, Neuroinstincts